Episode 19: Navigating Family
💫 Episode 19: Navigating Family
There are few things more complicated, beautiful, and confronting than family.
We come into this life and, on a soul level, we choose these people to walk us into our human experience. Our parents, our siblings, the ones who raise us or surround us as we grow into adulthood—they are our deepest teachers.
And yet, if we’re really honest, there are moments we think:
“Why the hell did I choose these people?”
Family is where some of our greatest love lives—and also where some of our deepest wounds are formed. It’s where our need for belonging, acceptance, and safety meets other people’s unhealed pain, patterns, and projections.
This episode is about navigating family, especially around holidays and gatherings, in a way that honors your nervous system, your soul, and your truth.
The Soul Work of Family
In many spiritual traditions, it’s believed that we choose our family before we arrive here. Not because it’s easy, but because:
They are our work
They help us grow
They invite us to become, as Carrie put it, “untriggerable”—or as I said, unfuckable with
That doesn’t mean we tolerate harmful behavior. It means we do our inner work so that:
Someone else’s mood doesn’t define our worth
Someone else’s projection doesn’t become our identity
Someone else’s chaos doesn’t knock us off our center
But let’s be real: that takes time, practice, and a lot of self-honesty.
Abuse Is Not “Just How Family Is”
We have to be very clear:
No type of abuse is acceptable.
Not physical.
Not emotional.
Not verbal.
Not mental.
Not spiritual.
As parents, many of us have moments we’re not proud of. I’ve yelled. I’ve overreacted. I’ve had times where I absolutely needed to repair with my kids.
The difference is this:
Owning it: “I’m sorry. That was not okay.”
Committing to do better
Giving others permission to call us out
Some parents or family members never do this. They can’t take accountability. And then other family members step in and protect the abuser, silencing the one who’s hurt.
You’re not a victim of your life—but what happened to you matters.
And you’re allowed to say “No more.”
The Pressure of Holidays, Events, and “Showing Up”
There are certain times of year where society practically shouts:
“You have to be with your family.”
Holidays. Birthdays. Weddings. Graduations. Funerals. Big family dinners.
Sometimes something painful or abusive happens right before these events—and yet you’re expected to show up like nothing happened. Smile for the photos. Pretend the invisible grenade in the room isn’t about to go off.
I’ve lived this. There was a Christmas where I hit my breaking point and left my mom’s house within an hour, after getting my boys up early, driving an hour, doing “all the things.” I totally lost it, packed up, and left.
Later I found out I had COVID, and yes, that explained some of my zero-capacity energy. But my kids called me out and said, “You were wrong.” And they were right.
I had to:
Take responsibility for my part
Call everyone and apologize
Clean up my side of the street
Accountability doesn’t erase other people’s behavior—but it does keep your heart and conscience clear.
Boundaries: You’re Allowed to Say No
One of the most radical acts of self-love is this simple sentence:
“I’m not going.”
Not as a punishment. Not from drama. But from self-respect.
You are allowed to choose not to attend:
If you know you’ll be verbally attacked
If you consistently leave feeling small, ashamed, or unsafe
If your body is screaming “no” even while your guilt is whispering “just go”
Ask yourself:
Is this a “10 out of 10” experience for my soul?
Does it make me feel expansive or does it give me a pit in my stomach?
Your answer is your clarity.
You don’t owe anyone your presence at the cost of your mental, emotional, or spiritual health. And yes, people may get upset. Yes, they may judge. But this is your life, your nervous system, your body.
Clean Up Your Side of the Street (No More Rugs)
A big theme in this conversation is:
Stop sweeping things under the rug.
Family systems can get really good at this. Something painful happens, everyone feels the impact… and then silence. No repair. No truth. Just another lump under the rug.
Over time, that rug becomes a mountain.
So what does it look like to “clean up your side of the street”?
Be honest and transparent about your experience
Apologize when you know you were out of alignment
Tell the truth kindly:
“I’m not coming because the way I was spoken to last time didn’t feel safe.”
“I need space to protect my mental health.”
It doesn’t guarantee harmony. But it does guarantee self-respect.
Curiosity Instead of Reactivity
When someone in your family throws emotional grenades—jabs, shaming comments, subtle digs—it often wakes up your inner child who remembers years of that same energy.
Then your protector jumps in: fight, flight, explode, or shut down.
The work is learning to let your adult self take the lead.
Instead of:
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
Try:
“That’s interesting—what made you say that?”
“What’s coming up for you right now?”
“I’m curious why you feel the need to bring this up.”
Not in a sarcastic tone, but in genuine curiosity. It doesn’t mean letting abuse slide—it means not letting it hook you in the same old way.
Protecting Your Energy (Yes, Energetically Too)
We’re not just bodies—we’re energetic beings. And family dynamics are very energetic.
You might notice:
You’re in a great mood, then someone visits and suddenly you’re irritable, clumsy, dropping things
You come back from a trip and feel off, heavy, or unlike yourself
A gathering ends and the house just feels… thick
Spiritual hygiene matters just as much as physical hygiene.
Some ways to protect and clear your energy:
Visualize a bubble or ball of light around your body
Intentionally ask: “Only energies working in my highest good are allowed in my space.”
Use supportive tools like sage, frankincense, palo santo, salt baths, ocean time, or time in nature
Clear doorways, driveways, and thresholds with intention
Verbally say: “Anything that is not mine or not for my highest good has to leave now.”
You’ll be amazed: people cancel, plans fall through, or dynamics shift when you claim your space and sovereignty.
You Don’t Have to Carry the Guilt
So many of us—especially women—are weighed down by guilt:
Guilt for not going home
Guilt for saying no
Guilt for needing space
Guilt for “causing problems” by telling the truth
It’s time to lovingly put the guilt down.
You have been guilted, shamed, and judged enough—often by the people closest to you. You’re allowed to make decisions based on:
What is good for me?
What is good for my kids?
What is good for my health and my heart?
That is not selfish. That is wise.
You Are Not Alone
If your relationship with your family—especially a parent—is complicated, painful, or confusing, I want you to hear this:
You are not alone.
So many women silently hold this ache: wanting a beautiful relationship with their mother, father, or siblings, and also needing to protect themselves from real harm.
You are allowed to:
Love someone and still choose distance
Miss who they could be without abandoning who you are
Protect your peace without apologizing for it
As you navigate family—during the holidays and beyond—remember:
You chose these souls for a reason
That doesn’t mean you must accept abuse
You can clean up your side of the street, hold your boundaries, and still lead with love
I’m sending you so much compassion and strength for every moment you get to (not have to) spend with the people your soul chose in this lifetime.
✨ If this message resonates with you, please share this post with a friend, subscribe to the Collective Guidance podcast, and join me on Instagram @charligirl7 or @collectiveguidance . Let’s create a world where sensitivity is celebrated.
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Sending love, remembrance, faith, and creativity,
Charla ❤️
