60 : You Are Not Broken: Loving the Parts of Yourself You've Been Fighting
💫Episode 60 : You Are Not Broken: Loving the Parts of Yourself You've Been Fighting
There is a multi-billion dollar industry built on one very specific belief: that you are broken.
That you are a problem to be solved. A rough draft waiting to be edited. A Version 1.0 holding out for the upgrade.
And here is the thing — if you have been in the personal growth space for a while, you already know the drill. You have read the books. You have done the journaling. You have sat in the meditations, listened to the podcasts, maybe even gone on retreats. You are doing the work.
And yet underneath all of it, there is still that quiet whisper.
You're still not quite there yet.
Sound familiar?
What if I told you that whisper — that relentless, exhausting whisper — is not the voice of your highest self pushing you forward? What if it is actually your wounded self, dressed up in the language of self-improvement?
The War We Don't Even Know We're Fighting
We have been conditioned to believe that growth means fixing. That healing means correcting. That showing up for yourself means identifying everything that is wrong with you and working on it until it isn't wrong anymore.
But what if the most radical, most transformational thing you could ever do is stop trying to fix yourself altogether?
I know that might feel counterintuitive. Maybe even a little uncomfortable.
Because here is what happens when we are constantly in improvement mode: without even realizing it, self-development becomes something else entirely. It becomes a war. A constant internal battle of judgment, criticism, and never quite measuring up. And that is exhausting. It is deeply, soul-level exhausting to be perpetually at war with yourself.
Every Part of You Is Trying to Protect You
In my last episode, I had an incredible conversation with Lori — a therapist, body coach, and spiritual guide — and she said something I have not been able to stop thinking about:
"Change doesn't come by force or fixing. It comes by bringing those parts closer — by loving them, listening to them, recognizing them, and letting them feel held."
This comes from a therapeutic framework called IFS — Internal Family Systems — and it is built on one foundational idea: every single part of you, even the ones you are most ashamed of, even the ones that create the most chaos in your life, is just trying to protect you.
Think about the patterns you have been fighting:
The people-pleasing
The over-achieving
The shutting down
The self-sabotage
None of these are character flaws. None of them are evidence that you are broken or behind or less than. They are parts of you that learned, usually very early in life, that this behavior was the only way to stay safe. To stay loved. To survive.
Your inner critic is not your enemy. It is a protector working overtime.
Your need to keep the peace is not weakness. It is a part of you that learned harmony meant safety.
Your relentless drive to achieve and take care of everyone around you? Not a flaw — it is a strategy that once worked, and it has been quietly running in the background of your life ever since.
Getting Personal: The Moment I Saw My Own Pattern
I want to share something that really affected me, because I think it matters.
I had someone in my life who I deeply loved and cared for. And one day, they said to me: "It's all about you."
It wrecked me. In my version of the story, I had given everything to that relationship. I had constantly put my needs aside, smoothed things over, bent over backwards, over and over again.
My ego was shattered.
But eventually I had to get honest with myself. Because here is what I came to understand: all of that giving was not entirely selfless. Underneath it was a part of me that needed harmony. That needed the people around me to be okay so that I could be okay. So that the relationships I built would not rupture.
That was my protector. Doing exactly what it always had done. Working so hard to keep me safe.
And when I first recognized that? My instinct was anger. Not anymore. I'm done with that. I don't care if people are uncomfortable because I am finally doing what feels right for me.
But here is what I had to learn the hard way: that is not healing. That is just the war in a different costume.
Real healing — the kind that actually changes you — looks more like sitting down with that part of yourself and saying:
"I see what you're doing. I understand why. Thank you for trying to protect me. I've got it from here."
That is what it means to love the parts of yourself that are not easy to love.
Self-Love That Actually Means Something
We talk a lot about self-love in the personal growth world. And so much of it is focused on celebrating the great parts of yourself — looking in the mirror, claiming your power, owning your gifts.
And yes, all of that matters. The things you tell yourself are incredibly important.
But self-love that only extends to the parts of you that are easy to love? That is not really self-love. That is selective acceptance.
The parts of you that do not make the highlight reel — the ones that feel less than, that carry rejection, sadness, fear — they do not just disappear when you ignore them. They go underground. And they work harder.
True wholeness — the kind where you actually feel peace in your own skin — requires you to love the messy parts too. The scared parts. The parts that have made choices you are not proud of. The parts that are still figuring it out.
Those parts hold so much wisdom. So much history. So much of the story of how you survived.
They deserve your compassion, not your contempt.
What Happens When You Get Curious Instead of Critical
Here is the beautiful paradox: the moment you stop fighting those parts and get genuinely curious about them, the moment you offer them warmth instead of shame, that is when they begin to shift.
Not because you forced them to. But because they finally feel safe enough to relax.
As Lori said so beautifully: like anything you love, it just softens. It feels held. It feels seen. And because of that, change happens.
A Practice to Try This Week
The next time you notice one of your patterns showing up — the people-pleasing, the shrinking, the over-giving, the inner critic running at full volume — instead of going to war with it, try something different.
Get curious. Ask: What is this part of me trying to protect me from?
Feel that in your body.
And then, if you can, offer it just a little compassion. You do not have to love it perfectly. You do not have to have it all figured out. You just have to be willing to look at it without flinching and say:
"I see you. You're not a problem. You're part of me, and I'm not leaving you."
Because here is the truth:
You are not a project to be completed. You are not a rough draft waiting to be finalized. You are a whole, complex, beautiful, layered human being — doing the best you can with the life you have been given.
And every single part of you? It is already enough.
Loved this episode? Hit subscribe, share it with a friend, and come back next time. It is our job — and our greatest gift — to keep coming home to ourselves.
Listen to Episode 60 of the Collective Guidance Podcast wherever you stream.
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Sending love, remembrance, faith, and creativity,
Charla ❤️
