81 : What Is Consent, Really? A Survivor's Guide to Boundaries, Healing & Healthy Relationships | Tiffany Braxton
💫Episode 81 : What Is Consent, Really? A Survivor's Guide to Boundaries, Healing & Healthy Relationships | Tiffany Braxton
"Have you ever said yes to something only to realize afterwards that you didn't really want to do it? You did it because you thought you had to — not because someone forced you, but because you didn't want to make them feel bad, or you felt like you could not say no."
That gap — the space between compliance and choice — is where so many of us live without even noticing. And it's exactly what today's conversation is about.
In Episode 81 of Collective Guidance, host Charla Goodnight sits down with Tiffany Braxton — author, activist, educator, survivor, and founder of Pennspire — to talk about one of the most important and most misunderstood topics in relationships, parenting, and personal growth: consent.
Tiffany's debut book, Consent Comics, uses visual storytelling and genderless characters to make what can be a heavy, complicated topic feel approachable, human, and full of hope. And as Charla discovered while reading it — it doesn't just change how you see relationships with others. It changes how you see yourself.
Consent Is Not Just About Big Moments
When most people hear the word consent, they think of one specific context. Tiffany is here to expand that frame considerably.
Consent shows up in how you respond when a child says they don't want a hug from a relative. It shows up in how you keep asking your teenager to come to the grocery store after they've already said no — once, twice, three times — each time with a new incentive. It shows up in the friendships where you agree to things you don't want to do because you don't want to disappoint someone. It shows up in bedrooms, in workplaces, in families, in the quiet daily moments where we override our own knowing to keep the peace.
"Consent is agreeing to something — but really actually wanting to agree to that thing."
That's Tiffany's definition, and it's simpler than most people expect. Not a contract. Not a checklist. A genuine, embodied yes — one that comes from the inside, not from fear of consequences or desire to manage someone else's feelings.
Consent as Self-Care — and Sovereignty
One of the most reframing ideas in this conversation is Tiffany's framing of consent as the ultimate form of self-care.
Because in order to practice consent — to actually know what you want and act from that — you have to be paying attention to yourself. Your own needs. Your own time. Your own body. Your own boundaries, both outward (what you ask of others) and inward (what you ask of yourself).
Consent and self-care, she says, are circular. Each feeds the other. The more you practice tuning in to your own body and its signals, the more you'll notice when you're about to say yes to something that your body is already quietly saying no to.
And there is something deeply spiritual in that. As Charla puts it: learning consent is about remembering that you are a sovereign being. That you do not have to agree to anything you don't genuinely want. That your no is not a personal failure. That someone else's disappointment is not your emergency.
The Book That Came from Survival — and Created Healing
Tiffany didn't set out to write a healing guide. She set out to prevent what happened to her from happening to others.
As a survivor, she spent years struggling — 40 pounds underweight, repressed memories surfacing without warning, trying to make sense of experiences she'd buried deep. When she discovered the concept of consent, something cracked open. She realized she should have had the right to an empowered yes — a yes that was hers, that came from a place of safety and genuine desire, not pressure or fear.
She began creating the comics as a tool for prevention. And then something unexpected happened: they became a tool for healing. Her own, and others'.
In creating the comics, she had to confront her own self-blame. And what the stories showed her — clearly, visually, undeniably — was that there was simply no excuse for the behavior of the person who violated her. Not one. If he had cared, he would have treated her differently. The responsibility was never hers.
"In the moment, he was an incredibly selfish human being who only cared about his wants. If he had ever cared about me, he would never have done those things."
That realization — arriving through story, not argument — is what freed her from the blame she'd been carrying.
Three Stories, No Biases, Everyone Can See Themselves
Consent Comics contains three distinct scenarios:
The Disrespect: A situation where boundaries are clearly crossed — no ambiguity, no excuses. For survivors, this is often the moment they recognize their own experience and realize: it wasn't my fault.
The Better Way: A relationship handled with genuine care and respect — checking in, noticing body language, making space for a no at any point. When Tiffany first wrote this scenario, it felt like fiction. She had never seen or experienced it. Writing it helped her believe it was possible. And then she found it.
Apologies Matter: The in-between — someone who starts to push past a boundary, catches themselves, and genuinely apologizes and changes course. This is the hope: not that anyone will be perfect, but that people can notice, take accountability, and do better.
What makes the book visually distinctive is that all characters are deliberately genderless. No male/female dynamics. No assumed roles. No race markers. Just humans, in relationships, navigating the space between compliance and choice — in a way that lets every reader see themselves on every side of the story.
As Charla reflects: reading it made her realize not just where others had failed to respect her boundaries, but where she had pushed past others' — with her kids, in friendships, in relationships. The book doesn't point fingers. It holds a mirror.
Non-Verbal Nos — And Why They Matter
One of the most practically valuable pages in the book is the section on non-verbal nos. Because most people don't say no out loud. Most of us were never taught that we could.
Non-verbal nos look like:
Looking away or glancing down
Going stiff or pulling back
Fidgeting or hesitating before answering
Sighing or giving a flat, unenthusiastic response
A noticeable change in energy from comfortable to closed
Tiffany's point is important: the defense of "but they didn't say no" only holds if you were never paying attention to begin with. When someone genuinely cares about another person, they notice these signals. They check in. They create the kind of safety that makes it easier to say no out loud — because they've made clear there will be no consequences for doing so.
Teaching Consent to Kids — It Starts Small
For parents, Tiffany's guidance is clear and practical: start early, make it ongoing, and let the small choices count.
Letting your child choose how to dress. Not forcing hugs with relatives. Creating an environment where they know they can come to you with questions — about sex, about pressure, about situations that feel uncomfortable — without fear of judgment. Because kids who learn to make small choices in safe environments are far more likely to protect their own sovereignty when the stakes are higher.
Tiffany shares that she's told her daughter: when you're ready to have sex, I would rather know than have you hide it from me. Not because she controls that decision, but because she wants her daughter to have support, not shame, around one of the most significant experiences of her life.
"You want to prepare them for things, more than you want to control when those things happen."
The Free Thinker Story — When the Pressure Comes From Within
Perhaps the most unexpected and personally vulnerable story in the book is the one Tiffany calls The Free Thinker — a scenario where there is no perpetrator at all. No outside pressure. Just the internal voices.
The expectation that after a certain amount of time, you should want certain things. The belief that if you're in a committed relationship, something is owed. The pressure that comes from peer culture, social media, or internalized norms about what desire is supposed to look like and on what timeline.
Tiffany wrote this one from her own experience — even after entering a relationship with a genuinely respectful partner, she found herself still navigating the noise of what she thought she was supposed to feel or do. The healing required recognizing that some of those voices were never hers to begin with.
"We need to free ourselves from thoughts that don't actually belong to us."
Connect With Tiffany Braxton
Get the book: consentcomics.com — Consent Comics by Tiffany Braxton
Instagram: @iamtiffanybraxton
Resources in the book: Support sites and the Crisis Text Line for anyone who needs deeper help
✨ If this message resonates with you, please share this post with a friend, subscribe to the Collective Guidance podcast, and join me on Instagram @charligirl7 or @collectiveguidancepodcast . Let’s create a world where sensitivity is celebrated.
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Sending love, remembrance, faith, and creativity,
